


The jester and the ancient slave

by Amber_Brush-English (Amber_Brush)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: (It makes sense in context), Abandonment Issues, Anger, Anger Management, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bipolar Disorder, Canonical Character Death, Dancing, Declarations Of Love, F/F, Family Bonding, Family Fluff, Family Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Manic Episode, Meditation, Meet-Cute, Past Character Death, SFW safeword, Self-Esteem Issues, Sometimes a family is two space wives a problematic grandmother and a little jester, spinearl week
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-27 05:37:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20755196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amber_Brush/pseuds/Amber_Brush-English
Summary: Short stories written for the Spinearl Week.





	1. The lonely dancer

**Author's Note:**

> Day 1: First Meeting
> 
> Song I listened to while writing: _Her_ by eery

Sometimes, even in the palace, Spinel felt lonely.

Of course, the Diamonds absolutely loved her. Just yesterday, they were all playing together in Blue's extraction room. Spinel was singing at the bottom of the pool, and the three others were trying to guess the song. It was a game that they used to play with Pink Diamond.

That was a part of the problem. They always did stuff together that could remind them of Pink. Always compared Spinel to her. "Oh, you juggle exactly like she used to!" "Your laughs sound the same!" "Ah, Spinel, you're in silly shenanigans again? That's such a Pink-like thing to do!" 

It hurt. Spinel didn't want to think about the gem who had abandoned her six thousand years on a nowhere asteroid in the void. She couldn't stand to be reminded all the time about how much she looked like Pink, how she must have been perfect for Pink, how she was made for Pink. It was overwhelming. Pinkie was her best friend, and she had betrayed her. But the Diamonds didn't notice her discomfort.

The other part of the problem was that the Diamonds weren't that much around, anyway. They were HomeWorld's rulers, after all. And there was so much work to do. Freeing colonies, dismantling armies, forbidding the shattering sentence, legalizing fusion, abolishing pearls’ slavery… Also, a few gems haven't received the memo of universal peace, or didn't want to lose their privileges. And, to be honest, White Diamond herself had trouble to behave accordingly to Steven's ideals. 

Inevitably, more often than she'd like to, Spinel was left to herself in the big palace. And she was bored.

At first, she tried to make friends with Blue Diamond's pearl and Yellow Diamond's pearl. But these two were busy as well, with their new broadcast about speed painting. And each time Spinel went to them outside broadcast-linked purposes, they seemed uneasy, as if the jester was interrupting something. Gee, they sure had found each other. She didn't want to get in the way, so she decided to leave them alone.

It wasn't very fun to feel rejected again.

*

One day, while she was wandering in an empty wing of the palace, Spinel discovered a gem she'd never seen before. 

It was a pearl, and she was dancing on her own. Her movements were so graceful that Spinel thought time itself stopped. She was breathtakingly graceful, with her soft arabesques and her perfect pas chassés. Shy, Spinel hid behind a curtain, and detailed her more precisely.

Her gem was on her navel, and she was as pink as her. And her left eye was missing. Oh. Oh no.

She must had been Pink Diamond's very first Pearl. The one she had cracked. The one who had been remplaced. "One of Pink's lost treasures", Blue would have said. 

And she looked sad indeed, with her distant eyes and her desperate dancing. She had been abandoned, after all.

Spinel feared to be abandoned by her too.

So, cycle after cycle, she hid and watched her dance. What were a couple of weeks, compared to dix thousand years? 

The Diamonds were less and less supportive about her - except Blue, of course. At least, that was how she felt. They didn't throw her in a high tower, but they didn't spend the whole day with her either like at the beginning. And she always had to do the first step to see them. It felt like rejection.

She didn't feel loved. But she didn't know how to communicate this impression.

Maybe it all was in her head - maybe it wasn't. 

That's why she kept a respectful distance with Pink Diamond's pearl. She probably had been hurt too. She didn't want to be a burden for her. 

But the stars decided otherwise.

One day, while she was particularly entrapted by the graceful movements of the pink pearl, she grabbed the curtains behind she was hiding so hard that her elastic arms pulled them down. 

"Whoopsie daisy", she muttered, angry against herself and her gay clumsiness.

"H-Hello?", the pearl said, as awkward as her.  
"Hi! I'm Spinel, the Diamonds' new protégée from Earth! I wasn't spying on you, except I was, but it wasn't in a creepy way, I swear! I just wanted to talk with you but then I didn't how to and didn't dare to because I was afraid you'd bail on me like White and Yellow did."

Wow, what a word vomit. Oversharing much? It was because of stuff like this that she hated herself.

"Nice to meet you too", only smiled the pearl. Wait, 'smiled'? She wasn't upset? 

Spinel moved closer. No, she didn't seem to be. Surprised, maybe, and definitely timid. But nothing really negative.

"Why do you think that Yellow and…the other Diamond bailed on you?"  
"Dunno. White is a little bit aloof, these days. And Yellow is always so rude to me. She jokes about our shared trauma of losing Pink, but it's not that funny."  
"Oh, you lost Pink too?" 

Pearl's eyes were wide open, now. 

"Duh, I'm pink. I was hers, yes. And apparently, I'm only good for remind them of her. Blue doesn't always act like that, but she pities me, which isn't that better."  
"Maybe… maybe you should tell her how you feel." 

It was a very good advice, actually. But what if they didn't listen? What if they didn't understand? What if…

"You don't know yet, if you haven't tried."  
"You're probably right. Thank you, Pearl." 

Pink Pearl smiled to her, and she smiled back.

Maybe she wouldn't be left behind, this time.


	2. Lashing out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel lashes out on Pearl, and tell her hurtful things about the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. It was a quite difficult chapter to write for me. I know that everyone and their mother headcanon Spinel as borderline, but I see her as being bipolar. Why? Because _I'm_ bipolar and I see myself in her so, so much. This chapter illustrates what can happen if a bipolar person doesn't have any help (therapy and/or meds): she experiences mania. In manic episodes, someone can lash out, have self-destructive behaviors, etc. It happened to me, and I hurt people in the process. And I'm truly sorry, but I must also say that when you're manic, you don't say things that you truly think - it's not like being drunk, for example. It's more like being out of yourself. And that's what this fic describes. If you don't want to read it, you can wait for tomorrow's fic, which will be much more fluffy and funny.
> 
> Spinearl Week - Day 2: Past 
> 
> Song I listened to while writing: _Everything Stays_ by Rebecca Sugar

Sometimes, Spinel needed to hurt the others. To be sure that they really loved her. It was weird, but it was an impulse. She felt like she had no control on it. 

Suddenly, she’d disappeared, so her so-called “friends” would be looking for her - the Diamonds didn’t. And now, she kinda wanted to tell painful things to Pearl, so she would know if the other truly liked her. 

She was craving for recognition, but also, maybe, for despair. 

It was one of these days when she came to Pearl saying: “Logically, I should hate you.”  
Pearl’s eyes widened in surprise. “Why? Oh, I’m so sorry… Did I do something wrong?”

Spinel already felt bad at this point. But she needed to continue. Something in her head was ordering her to do so. 

“Actually, you did.” Pearl’s face was a mix of surprise and guilt. “You stole her heart.”  
Since this provoked no reaction, Spinel added, viciously: “Pink Diamond’s heart.” 

Pearl was on the verge of tears, yet she uttered:  
“I don’t… understand…”  
“She loved you. She cracked you. And after White Diamond took you away, she missed you all the time. When I was with her in the garden, juggling, she used to laugh, then she sadly sighed. And I knew she was thinking about you.”  
“Why are you telling me all these things? It’s… It’s heartbreaking.”  
“Maybe I do want to break your heart. Maybe I’m a bad person. Maybe I deserve what happened to me.”

The words were pouring out of her mouth like blood out of an injury. Except she was the one causing the injury. A little payback. 

But Pearl didn’t react like she low-key expected her to. 

“Spinel… You didn't deserve what happened to you. No one does. Please, breathe.”  
“What?”  
“Just… breathe. Calm down. Let’s sit together, okay?”

They both sat together on the ancient dancing room’s cold ground. 

“Now, close your eyes. And focus on my voice. Let’s inspire, count to five, and expire on five as well.”  
“We’re gems, we don’t need to breathe!”  
“Let’s breathe anyway. It will help.”

And, seeing how she didn’t seem convinced: 

“It’s Steven who taught me this. It’s a lesson from Garnet.”

Alright. She trusted Garnet. 

So she breathed on ten, while Pearl was doing the same.

Oddly, she already felt less angry. She tried to open up her eyes, but Pearl probably knew she’d be tempted, because she shushed her: “Ta ta ta, eyes closed.”  
“Okaaay”, she whined.  
“How do you feel, now? Tell me five words. And don’t think too much before.”  
“Angry. Sad. Lost. Abandoned. Unloved.” The words came like bullets from a laser light cannon.  
“You’re not unloved. The Diamonds love you. And I… I love you too.” 

Pearl’s voice broke a little bit saying this. She probably was blushing, but Spinel kept her eyes close. Was it even real? (If so, weirdest declaration of love ever. Sitting on the ground, eyes closed, and breathing loudly? Really?)

“But you don’t love me when I lash out like this”, she stated like a fact.  
“Even when you lash out like this. It’s still you. You’re doing this because you’re in pain. I forgive you.”

Spinel opened her eyes again. 

“I love you too.”

She could hear Pearl’s smile.


	3. Circus tricks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel learns one of her tricks to Pearl !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spinearl Week - Day 3: Hijinks Ensue
> 
> Songs I listened at while writing: Side A of [this Spinel playlist by telelphotogenic](https://telelphotogenic.tumblr.com/post/187592997518/who-am-i-who-am-i-your-best-friend-spinel). It's all electroswing, and it really fits to the character!

Pearl's whole body was trembling. She wasn't used to do acrobatic stuff, she traditionally only watched it. Besides, it was way past her original purpose - like what she used to do with her original Diamond. Things that got her cracked at the end. So… She felt slightly guilty. But Spinel's laugh was so bubbly that it was worth it.

"You're doing amazing, Pookie! Try to stay still. Your equilibrium will be better." 

They both were standing on circus balls. Spinel's stance was incredible, one leg up and her elastic arms forming an arabesque. Pearl wasn't as skilled, but she tried to lift a leg as well. 

“Here you go!” The smile of the jester was incredible. Then, she stretched her arm, gently poked her shoulder, and screamed: “Race you!” 

She then comically ran on her ball, her legs so fast they were forming a circle. Pearl tried to follow her, but it was way harder than whatever Spinel was even doing. 

Entranced in their game, they didn’t notice that they were leaving Pink’s wing of the palace… and ran into Blue Diamond.

Pearl was terrified. Yes, Steven had told her that the Diamonds had changed, but it was when he still was at HomeWorld and they wanted to keep his good graces. Now that he was gone, what would happen? Blue Diamond used to be a shatterer.

But she just smiled at them - smiled! - and said, in her soft voice: “My little Spinel! Here you were. What are you doing?” 

Spinel explained to her the concept of circus balls. Blue Diamond seemed delighted. 

“Do you think I could try? It seems so fun!”

Pearl wanted to explain that it was a really terrible idea, especially given the size of the Diamonds - they often forgot how big they were. But she wasn’t confident enough to talk back to such an important gem. Again, Blue Diamond’s Pearl and Yellow Diamond’s Pearl may have been cheeky, but it was when Steven was there. Then, Pearl had hidden herself, so she didn’t really know what was off the table. 

Also, Spinel had no common sense, whatsoever. 

“Why not?” (Well, there were at least a half-dozen reasons _why not_ let a gigantic gem stay in equilibrium on an unstable ball.) “It _is_ fun indeed!”(Not until someone get hurt.)

And that’s why Yellow Diamond’s war veterans rehabilitation meeting got cloded by Blue Diamond goofing around on a giant circus ball, while Spinel enthusiastically cheered. 

Fortunately, the incident made no victims, except maybe some emotional shock.


	4. Dance lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Pearl's turn to teach to Spinel how classical dance works.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spinearl Week - Day 4: Dance
> 
> Song I've listen to while writing: _We Are Golden_ by MIKA

Things were going better. 

Spinel opened up more. To the Diamonds. And to Pearl, too. 

She finally told to Yellow Diamond that, even if she used self-deprecating humor as a coping mechanism, it wasn’t always funny when someone else did it at her expense. Now, when they joked together, it was about harmless subjects. Her tomfoolery. Yellow’s “nerdish” tendencies. (It was a word that the so-called “Famethyst” had popularized in their podcast. Spinel wasn’t sure of its meaning, to be honest.)

They had a signal if the other one said something that hurt: a sentence with the word “higanbana”. It was one of the flowers of the garden, a dreadful memory for Spinel, of course, but also to Yellow since she helped to built it and then lost her little Pink. If the word was uttered, it was the sign that the joke wasn’t landing, and the other people in the room didn’t have to be aware of it. 

She still was close from Blue Diamond, but she learnt to love her without being with her all the time. Sometimes, it was hard. Blue had been the only one openly mourning. The other ones were devastated as well, of course, but they didn’t allow themselves to show it. Whereas Blue had embraced the pain, she had made a nest out of it. And now, her nest of sadness was - almost - empty. Pink would be missing forever. Steven was alive, but not for long, at least to them. Only Spinel could understand. Only Spinel would stay. 

Her conversations with Blue were deep, sometimes even painful, but it felt so good to be listened at. They were so alike. Deep down, Blue Diamond had always hoped that Pink would come back, and deep down, Spinel had always known that she wouldn’t. 

And then, there was Pink Diamond’s pearl.

Spinel never called her that out loud. Out loud, it was “Pookie”, “Peaches”, or even “Doll”. Sometimes, when she needed to be serious, “Pearl”. But not to hurt her, not this time. 

She never wanted to her her anymore.

All accross HomeWorld, pearls were savoring their new-found freedom. Finding real jobs, despite of deeply rooted prejudices. Fighting against discriminations, with flags, banners and marches. 

Pookie didn’t do any of it. She was too shy. Besides, the Diamonds were protecting her, even if she was quite afraid of White. (Who could blame her? Even Spinel was a little bit afraid of her guilt-tripping, manipulative protector White.)

When Spinel wasn’t teaching her new tricks, Pookie was dancing for her. And it was incredible, really. Her arabesques were out of this world. She reminded to Spinel the butterfly who (who, not which, it was a person in her eyes) entertained her and comforted her in the garden. And also the mysterious ways in which leaves used to fall in the wind. Melancolic, fugitive things.

But after talking to the two others pearls, it felt less right. They found it insensitive from her. Pearls were supposed to dance for their owners, after all. 

Spinel was horrified. She didn’t own Pearl. She wasn’t Pink Diamond’s successor, even if she was hers. 

However, she still wanted to see Pookie dance… It reminded her of their first meetings, such a sweet memory. She didn’t want to lose it. Maybe she could be a part of it instead.

So, she had an idea...

*

“One, and two, and one again!”

Spinel still had trouble with positions. The first one seemed easy, and even a little bit goofy, especially with her rubber arms rounded. The second one was funny too, a big step out, but she used to lift her arms too much. But nothing was truly easy, and she looked like a duck compared to her teacher. 

Pookie snorted to her exaggerated _plié_, which ended with her literally folded like an accordion. “Be a little serious, Nelle, please!” >She reluctantly went back to her usual form.

“Remember, no shapeshifting!”, Pookie warmed her.  
“But shapeshifting is fun…”, Spinel pouted.  
“Dancing is too, but not if you’re fooling around the whole time.”

Spinel stuck her tongue out to her reflection in the mirror of the dancing room, and the lesson continued. 

“Take a deep breath and bend. One, two, three up and elevate.”  
“Exactly, elevate!”

This time, Spinel took Pookie’s hand, and began to dance with her.

*

“Be less tense, just flow with the music! Yeah, that’s it!”  
“I thought _I_ were your teacher!”, protested Pearl.  
“But it’s _our_ dance, Doll!”

Spinel was laughing, now, and Pearl thought it was magnificent. She began to laugh too, running to her. Spinel’s elastic arms caught her, made her twirl in a lot of unnecessary - but so funny - loops, and them dipped her. 

They were so entranced in each other company, so trusting, so open, that they didn’t even notice the light illuminating their gems and bodies. Until…

“Pearl? Spinel?”

The same voice told the two names. The new creature started panicking, until they remembered that fusion wasn’t forbidden anymore. 

“It’s amazing! I fused when we were dancing! Garnet would be so proud of me!” 

That reminded them something.

“What is my name? How do I want to be called?”

They thought for a while, then remembered something from Earth. 

“Coral. I think my name is Coral.” 

Delighted, they looked at themselves in the mirror. They had three eyes, but there was an heart-shaped patch where the fourth one should have been. 

“Look at me, I’m a clown-ballerina!” And indeed, their outfit was a mixture between these two aesthetics: classy, but also fun. 

They did some backflips, which was way easier with four arms, and then they did the splits. 

“I’m so powerful! I never did it before. Not even with…”

The thought hit them like an anvil, and they unfused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took the easy road, I know! But I really wanted to describe it... Fusion is such a beautiful concept. Sometimes, I wish I could fuse with people that matter a lot to me.
> 
> If you're a classical dancer and notice that some details in my fic are wrong, please let me know and I'll correct it! I've only learnt it for two years when I was a little kid.
> 
> Oh, and Coral's pronouns are they/them, because it's my pronouns too! I know that in the canon, only the fusions including Steven have they/them pronouns, but I really wanted to write it this way. Also, all the gems already are canonically non-binary.


End file.
